i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
