Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
