I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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