i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
