I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
