Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
