We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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