Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
