your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize