Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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