i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize