It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
