Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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