it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
