So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cannot find my penis.
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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