Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is Oprah even human
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
