I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
