His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
