apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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