You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
