Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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