tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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