I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
