I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
