Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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