the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
