I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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