I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
