Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you inspire me to be a worse person
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
