I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
