No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
