Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
