I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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