i love accidental penises.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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