His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
