It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
