I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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