That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
