I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
