drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
