Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
