The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
