Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
