he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He passed out mid-signature
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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