Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
