Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
