Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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