I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
