This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
