last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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