Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
