Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
