We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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