you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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