I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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