Someone shit on the floor
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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