Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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