I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
