is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
