I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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