im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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