If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
