Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
