You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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