if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
