We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
