I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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