All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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