i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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