Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
