I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
