i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
