Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
